A Disciple's Thread

[Candy]

go into their office

otherwise thers help cnter that give you a translator fro mental health section, and they do all paper work

[NoNun2]

I’ll go to a lawyers office so they see I can still function normal and not lying… I’m just scared that since the psychs purge files every 7 years that they’re out of statutes my first malpractice was in 2010… maybe 91

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I report it to the police with cuts and bruises and dna and they just don’t even check and throw me in psych

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My hometown police investigated but that’s the only one that did

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And I had it wrong so it’s going to be really hard to prove I think

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I still have an unpaid parking ticket from the night of the attack and there is no statutes in South Carolina on sex crimes so I MAY have a shot of getting us (mentally ill) justice

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I thought I was a vampire some how and that’s why I was bleeding black… wonder where that came from?!?????

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Some of them are sicker then we are…

[NoNun2]

Our anniversary is 6/30 I think

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Loved it too… death row… they were hard on me but kept me my best

[NoNun2]

Don’t make me cry I’m already emotional

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I miss my dad so much… he’s the only one who knew how to fix me

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I’m a go on vacation tomorrow and finally wear that bikini from 3 years ago

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I need some healing time

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If I don’t eat it we all go down… I’ll take that too… FUCK YOU

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My mom technically

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Who made less than her… bitch make a thousand a week no car rent $400 and the it out lies she racked in my name for like $5k somewhere the fuck her money go… why my mom for to pay it?

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Dumb ass bitch and once again I can’t do shit about it

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I can’t stand spoiled privy bitches for real… even if they are black

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You see where we live right?

[NoNun2]

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I can’t even comprehend speaking to him right now

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I don’t want my daughter to be a soldier… I want her safe and happy

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I got accepted into the centre but u didn’t get a scholarship and the aaawrs were frozen and my parents couldn’t afford it

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Assets were frozen*

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I don’t want to dance anymore anyway since tripping in inpatient

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Honestly… it was the scariest movie I ever saw

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Now I know why

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Yeah I bought them toe shoes but it hurt too much to go up… I’m a practice though maybe

[NoNun2]

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I have a daughter not son

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Nah like I saw I just post that… I don’t like them pre stepping me… it keeps me in some hell

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How do I cash out… like runners Rick Ross ie book bag… do I ever get paid? Or was it all for the stories?

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All I ever do is feel stupid… I’m good… I’m used to it

[NoNun2]

Fuck it all pac.. idc I just don’t want to stop talking to you

[NoNun2]

Soldiers, that is what we are – who cares if they say we live our lives behind bars
Something unattainable can be obtained, for our seeds to be maintained
We give our lives too, and don’t judge a name of a man you never met
And in your heart, you feel the beat, a reminder to never forget
The double edged sword of master trickery – who can be him… You, me, or he?
To those who have fallen we tip our bottles in homage, a last piece of bread,
For an offering, a reminder on their grave stones instead.
We recognize eyes to distinguish our alibis
And we will tell lies if it confuse them with the truth
Tattooed and scarred - reminders of our troubled youth
We whisper in the whims of the night to each other
And no matter what - we stand brother to brother
We mastermind in dreams and send a glitter through the eye
While those un-afflicted sit back and judge us on why
Chained to a destiny with no way out but death
Loyalty sealed with confirmation of last breath
Adrenaline that runs so deep, sometimes for 24 hours
With appetites for destruction that slowly devours
In us, we never cower… true to thy selves we behold the ultimate power
The Vikings, they call it Valhalla, at the table where the Judaists break challah
It is a place where we are freed from persecution of who we are to be
Rewarded, cause in ourselves we stayed true… the ultimate test of loyalty.

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It’s hard being a soldier when they diss you for fighting like a boy

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They ran my brother out of state when I was 15 - he made damn sure he taught me how to fight first though

[NoNun2]

I can belly to this… it’s dancing with chains trying to convince a man or woman to break you free

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I love the dance just too insecure and shy right now

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That’s funny at the store I saw the Pontiac version of my old drop and then today my I saw identical skye to my old one

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I’m sad they’re not making standards anymore… I love dancing driving with the stick shit too

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I LOVE cars… new cars only though )

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My best friend was a boy when I was a baby and I grew up on match box with the plastic road maps or the garages

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Yes I could always dance to rap better then R&B go figure

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I used to LOVE the clubs down south when little Jon or equivalent come on too… like stomp dance

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The best party ever… I was on a date with this guy bj and we in the country and he tell me to turn down this dirt road and I got scared but past the driveway was all these abandon buildings and cars with rims and one of the funnest parties I ever been too… down south boys serious though… they bout it more than we are up north and make me nervous

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3kinfe with 50 and Ti got my license suspended for an entire year I got pulled speeding like 90 something - I get hype to it

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3 kings*

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It’s why I never fucked around down south… the laws too strict… I’m in court for the summons for speeding and I watched the judge send a kid to jail for 30 days cause he had a DIME BAG… when it was my turn I was like lawyer please - I didn’t think it was that serious but they suspended my shit and gave me a permit for a year

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To be honest it worked… I hardly speed by accident anymore though

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Yes me and my hell mate are officially over

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I’m sad but what ever

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Accusing me of posting shit when I’m in lake George with no wifi - I think people have cat phish accounts under me

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Lab right though… he makes me smile and my hell mate make me cry… I rather date a ghost and show him the respect too - cause I never knew he must’ve felt like I never did

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Pac and Jicera are sacred to me

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Sooo… one person by one poem… I have 13 days to pay off these credit cards pleaseeeeeeee

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I just want to support MYSELF again like I been doing since I was 16

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You don’t know how it feels and I hate taking money from my mom

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I swear to GOD I have no clue clue and finally get it like 15 years too late

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I understand why he’s been there and what he was trying to tell me

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So was my ghost really throwing bottles in someone’s studio after the attack? I had that dream

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I cited my work and posted videos saying as such… is 10% therapy free fair?

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Therapy fee*

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I rather write than do hair but I actually rather still do both

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I suck but I just need my ah hah moment and I’ll be good again

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Like order of operations my 5th time trying to pass algebra like ohhhhhh and I got an A (it was a prerequisite so I’m lucky it didn’t go against my gpa

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I’ve was remedial math since like 3rd grade me and numbers don’t mix

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I even fuck up counting money and where I spend it and that’s how they get and got me so much

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I was fine as cashier though… but my drawer was off a lot

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No more then a few dollars so my boss didn’t care he loved me and would hire me back during the summers I’d visit

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I’ve been back and forth between ct and nc since I was like 15

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I HATE THE SOUTH

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Probably cause I already got sent there when I was punished - but I loved my father TO DEATH… my dad really was cool as fuck and sometimes I wonder if I was the only one to realize and appreciate that

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We’d play poker with his friends once a month and he could even tell when I was bluffing or had a serious hand

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It’d be funny when he folded

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I had a straight flush once and my sister stood behind me and said holy shit and everyone folded I was SO mad lol

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Hold ‘em but I can’t play with the extra decks at the casino… Spanish 21 my favorite game

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If I have to entertain my self that’s easy but it does cost money

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As vain definition just popped up on my phone… hardly and what does it even matter if you feel good? Its not like I ever in my life put someone else down

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I know I’m just a little above average… how’s that vain?

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I dress in baggy sweats and no one knows I got a body too… how is that vain?

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FOH vain

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If you’re feeling insecure with me posting selfies than maybe you’re the one caught up in how people look not me

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Why do my selfies make you so mad for real though?

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And I can be ugly as fuck the same… one time I came out of mental and pulled the mirror down and SCREAMED

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I looked so ugly I didn’t even recognize myself so it goes both ways

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Believe me I know I’m ugly too

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Usually and only as needed if I can please get my natural flow back

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You bitches play too much acting like gods and I ain’t fucking with none of you

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Biggie… can I go back to being Mae instead of popping out air bags when I punch the dash… I rather be happy

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Just the corner LNFAO I think it’s why L don’t fuck with me either

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We good she stopped playing with my money

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It sets me off extra

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I THINK

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I have been getting decline emails so I should check… I assumed it be Apple but they just came thru so thanks good idea to check

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Bitch stole my social and birth registration

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I know her violent cousins baby dads by heart soo if she don’t stop

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I’ll just post his

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Maybe he can make her stop

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Heard he has his own business now too LOL

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Hey that’s his family not mine

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Only cause I stopped fighting back dawg… not scared of you either

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Don’t worry I’ll call her sister before I do some shit like that

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It’s probably why they won’t untie me

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I’m just like then stop fucking with me and we good

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Never in my life fought over a man and only found one worth it

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And he’s dead sooo - it’s the disrespect to ME you can keep the man

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I don’t like cheaters anyway

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I despise fighting but if you have to

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Just untie me first and keep me awake so it’s at least a fair fight

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Do you even know why the practice got started? TO HELP NOT PROMOTE and I’m not even trying to know more about being black than you

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Cause that kinda make you more white than me

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I’ll shut up and check my card tomorrow

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Nah I’m pretty sure my old white for ends were the orginal owners

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White friends*

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Nah I’m not one of those white girls that try to act black either

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Just cause I had a few boy friends… get for real

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I dated the rainbow but they only count the black ones

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I’ve always had a low tolerance for racism

[NoNun2]

They’re so selfish, like life is all about them… Dear Pac

Even though I know this letter will never reach you
I just wanted to let you know you’ve been on my mind…
Not because of who you became and what I feel is due
Just to let you know the comfort in the memories that I still find in you,
Sitting here reminiscing of the days I wish I could rewind
Like playing football in the rain, But…
The echoes of laughter then, they now drive me insane
It dangles like a noose suffocating my brain

C

I know, and I get it… cause I seen it all before
Now that everyone can see the majesty that I saw so easily saw
You couldn’t decipher truth from a whore
The last time I saw you the elevation thru exhilaration as I witnessed your hesitation
Then after the love that we made you said no more
It stabbed me with a pain deeper than the 8 swords my tarot predicted
And ever since then my world became kind of shifted…
I want you to know that I don’t blame you,
I know you were preparing me for a lie you knew we couldn’t get thru

C … Do you hear me crying?

I wasn’t too young to understand it when but then came the next loop to the bend
The one to pick me up from the fall couldn’t face the order too tall
And the one who was truly true became victim of how evil these streets can do
As I witnessed the sentence served of 22
What? Am I supposed to watch the unpredictable of now and how he gonna end up just like you
Or just deal with the real of the reality set forth in realization of my own true? (it was always you)
As we rise and we fall we have roads set forth to beat
As I sit here fingering the outline of my scars again humbling myself to the defeat
And as my own story unfolds, I wish I stuck up for us then just to warn you
But all I could do was cry and spit lies just to scorn you
I know now you did what was best for me, but the test couldn’t invest in the rest I’d see

__________________________

And on a personal…

I never made love ever again,
It was more like we was in Cesar’s war and I became that opposite whore just trapping a friend
I’m scared now that my ice has melted and I’m not sure where this leaves me,
Just figured out I’d reach out to the one that always felt it and was 3 steps before what I could see
And… I pray this letter reaches you in time, it feels like years left of my own sentence
Yet they never told me my own crime as they whisper all in due time
I didn’t come here to remind you of the pain that you caused when you left me too
More like I finally remember what I blacked out and how now even though it’s harder than ever…
I’m always admiring and praying for you – What’s love got to do with it?
But you still can’t see what we all do so plainly – put down your guns and just realize who’s true
And maybe then you’ll see what real love in form of agape can do.

I hope I can help snap you back too…. I’ll always love you.

Sincerely… Me, C

And then I realized it was me waking up not him

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JUST LIKE SHUTTER ISLAND LMAO

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Only I already knew I was crazy

[NoNun2]

Only I already knew I was crazy

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The crucifixes were knotted in my car… I’m not going to fear anyone that can’t and won’t face me awake

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Probably why u heard they gonna kill her on my rooof

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I heard*

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I heard*

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When I was shot I was 30 minutes a way in a split second… but after like is when I felt it the defrib… it’d go all black and then my ex would slice my throat and hold my mouth under the running tub faucet all black slice 2 or 3x… after I ran from New York to NC I saw that same tub in my apt and had no where else to go and knowing that it could happen… its ok sleep me… my answer the same - I was with god

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That’s why I’m not scared anymore

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I guess I got to a point where I’m not scared anymore this ish petty compared to what they were doing to me

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But sometimes I sit in my car and just shake for no reason and nah it ain’t drugs… I only did coke and weed

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DEF NOT CRACK

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Sniff

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My mom just said I act like a junkie always needing money… hell no… that this ex fault

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It’s not going to work with anyone I just want to stay loyal to pac now that I know

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I had to walk by that tub every day… I’m not Rambo I’m just human and I really do need to know who did this to me and why

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The defrib OMFG it’s why I got a taser but I can’t carry it until I KNOW no one can sleep me and used it on me

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I don’t think I’ve felt safe since the night before my ex and his mom lied to the police in Norwalk

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I’m not new to this…. Tell them bitch… cause she wanted my peace and comfort like she didn’t already raise her own daughter have love and a huge family… she just wanted my peace and comfort now too she said it to me

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Congrats… you got him

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I don’t want him back either - he did a complete 360’on me in October and I don’t even care why now

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He accused me of sucking someone’s dick and I’m tired of trying to tell him he’s got the wrong bitch

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She text me and said she just wants the same peace and comfort I have after saying she’s not even attracted to him when I asked her if they were messing

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I think I made him mad where I said you won’t even admit to her

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And somehow giving her half my hoodies cause I had too many was wrong too

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I’d never in my life disrespect your moms but come on - she gave you if not more then what my mom give me if that’s why they mad too

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I’m trying to explain what it feels like inside my own body and why sometimes u just can’t walk thru that door at school… its why we broke up cause he went to my house and told my mom lies and exaggerations

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Like in some coke whore or something… NEVER IN MY LIFE… I been sleeping with my ex in and off since 2004 idk how that’s a whore if he look out and give me money or gas or ice coffee

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He took the closest i had to friends left with him too

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Like I said I have no problems being by myself but that costs money

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We haven’t had sex in months it www coming to an end and I saw it

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I just want to know why he accused me of sucking someone’s dick

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No im not losing weight… no one gonna toss my ass around like mb EVER AGAIN I put on 50lbs in 3 months

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You should’ve seen the way my ex was looking at me eating pizza one night lmao

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I just don’t understand why no one told me or explained to me what I blacked out and then humiliated myself screaming it over social media when I did remember again

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My psych said my psych broke the law by not too

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He should’ve called the police when my urine test was black from bleeding black

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What if that’s why I never got pregnant again?

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Yeah I just talk in circles over and over again if someone would just check and believe me

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I know someone saw them pics and could prove it

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Who ever did that for me… thank you… I’ll pay you back too

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I’ll be patient

Only if you love this country too though

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My emotional spending obsession went down hill… I’m trying to rebuild my credit so I can get a new suv when I’m graduate school and finance but I went ballistic and maxed out all my cards again… my mom gets so mad but understands I learned go shopping from her

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It does make me feel better why does it even matter

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I used to make like close to $3k every 2 weeks… this shit is real hard

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Well I don’t need the $400 a month clothes budget - what I need is to be alone

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JUST FOR NOW

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[QUOTE=NoNun2;8988769]Only I already knew I was crazy

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The crucifixes were knotted in my car… I’m not going to fear anyone that can’t and won’t face me awake

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Probably why u heard they gonna kill her on my rooof

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I heard*

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I heard*

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When I was shot I was 30 minutes a way in a split second… but after like is when I felt it the defrib… it’d go all black and then my ex would slice my throat and hold my mouth under the running tub faucet all black slice 2 or 3x… after I ran from New York to NC I saw that same tub in my apt and had no where else to go and knowing that it could happen… its ok sleep me… my answer the same - I was with god

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That’s why I’m not scared anymore

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I guess I got to a point where I’m not scared anymore this ish petty compared to what they were doing to me

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But sometimes I sit in my car and just shake for no reason and nah it ain’t drugs… I only did coke and weed

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DEF NOT CRACK

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Sniff

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My mom just said I act like a junkie always needing money… hell no… that this ex fault

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It’s not going to work with anyone I just want to stay loyal to pac now that I know

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I had to walk by that tub every day… I’m not Rambo I’m just human and I really do need to know who did this to me and why

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The defrib OMFG it’s why I got a taser but I can’t carry it until I KNOW no one can sleep me and used it on me

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I don’t think I’ve felt safe since the night before my ex and his mom lied to the police in Norwalk

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I’m not new to this…. Tell them bitch… cause she wanted my peace and comfort like she didn’t already raise her own daughter have love and a huge family… she just wanted my peace and comfort now too she said it to me

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Congrats… you got him

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I don’t want him back either - he did a complete 360’on me in October and I don’t even care why now

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He accused me of sucking someone’s dick and I’m tired of trying to tell him he’s got the wrong bitch

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She text me and said she just wants the same peace and comfort I have after saying she’s not even attracted to him when I asked her if they were messing

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I think I made him mad where I said you won’t even admit to her

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And somehow giving her half my hoodies cause I had too many was wrong too

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I’d never in my life disrespect your moms but come on - she gave you if not more then what my mom give me if that’s why they mad too

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I’m trying to explain what it feels like inside my own body and why sometimes u just can’t walk thru that door at school… its why we broke up cause he went to my house and told my mom lies and exaggerations

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Like in some coke whore or something… NEVER IN MY LIFE… I been sleeping with my ex in and off since 2004 idk how that’s a whore if he look out and give me money or gas or ice coffee

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He took the closest i had to friends left with him too

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Like I said I have no problems being by myself but that costs money

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We haven’t had sex in months it www coming to an end and I saw it

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I just want to know why he accused me of sucking someone’s dick

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No im not losing weight… no one gonna toss my ass around like mb EVER AGAIN I put on 50lbs in 3 months

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You should’ve seen the way my ex was looking at me eating pizza one night lmao

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I just don’t understand why no one told me or explained to me what I blacked out and then humiliated myself screaming it over social media when I did remember again

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My psych said my psych broke the law by not too

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He should’ve called the police when my urine test was black from bleeding black

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What if that’s why I never got pregnant again?

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Yeah I just talk in circles over and over again if someone would just check and believe me

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I know someone saw them pics and could prove it

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Who ever did that for me… thank you… I’ll pay you back too

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I’ll be patient

Only if you love this country too though

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My emotional spending obsession went down hill… I’m trying to rebuild my credit so I can get a new suv when I’m graduate school and finance but I went ballistic and maxed out all my cards again… my mom gets so mad but understands I learned go shopping from

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I don’t bother even checking the time anymore cause I just freak out… I’m on the camera I’m fine

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Yeah when an hour would go by in 5 minutes is when I started to pay attention

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Like at the bowling alley with fat boy but u never in my life expected him to hurt me too

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I’m either just an asshole or someone was paying them

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It feels like they trying to copy our way but it doesnt confuse me it just pisses me off

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I know ly God and I feel when you take him away too

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My God*

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I have a dr too… had and nah my nails not gonna be dirty a week cause I took a bump I want a new one

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Ced pmfg HELL NO never was even a tractor or consideration - why you just didn’t say nothing

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Yeah I’m a write SPEAK to get away by Mobb deep I think

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Secrets and nobody telling me or asking me ruined my life

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Nah Rico I didn’t they must’ve illegally searched thru my phone when I was shot - we could’ve handled it and maybe still can

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Ask anybody who do know me HELLL NOOO I TOLM YOI TO MU MOMS HOUSE I trusted you too

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When I was in the game it got you ditches not stitches NEVER

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You wanna hear something funny I caught 4 but can only count 3

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If that’s who has a hold on me

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I forgot the 4th

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Because we weren’t messing and it’s the only obvious thing that I been noticing behind me

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I’m just slow to catch up… when you never even gave someone a reason to though

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I’ll tell pac and thats it

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My nose been itching for days… I’m prolly gonna be jumped again smh

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You took my fathers life for your cause too witch

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My niece fractured her face in 4 different places and has epilepsy now… I’m trying to get the sick shit off me send back and see accidents everywhere… WTF ARE YOU EVEN STILL DOING HERE?!??

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Yes I’m aware how many times you tried to kill me by car accident but dgaf about that or you until now

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That’s my mini me and you know that too… how can you?!??? wtf is wrong with you for real?

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I don’t want that responsibility or power so I’m praying pac handle it

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Why did you spend your entire life trying to set me up and make me look stupid?

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Now we on my white friends

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I know she had me tied since 97 when the other good ole boy asshole moved in too

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You slept me in a state court maybe even federal LMFAO

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YOURE a threat to society and government not me

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DMV for that license pic that’s another government building - that might’ve been my step mom though

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Bitch you’re going to jail

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You’ll do fine in there plenty of pussy and hell no NEVER

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Never not once that I was aware of or awake for

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YUCK

[NoNun2]

So someone tapped my but a few times loaded up the ickiest most disgusting feeling into my left foot and I’ve icky twitching it back out for hours now

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Stupid bitches… how do I get them off me and how did they get on me to begin with

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Can I send back everything they did to me over the years too? Especially the pain

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Gonna try to sleep again take like 15

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I hate that it takes hours to sleep too

[NoNun2]

Well I only talked about 2 people - shouldn’t be that hard to figure out

[NoNun2]

[NoNun2]

Oh shit

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Detoxing off weed hard as fuck… and I don’t even like to smoke like that lmao my psych was proud of me though

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I still crave it when I don’t feel good

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It’s how they used to get me every time

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The insulation of persuasion

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I already told my family… we out for a new one

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LIARS

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You abused and humiliated the shit out of me… I’m not with that bitching shit

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And even though I have no friende… not desperate to be accepted either

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I hope my brother punch you dead in the face for manipulating my family for so long

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I rather live one day and love it and own it
Then 1000 days dormant - think I give a fuck at this point?

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Not desperate to be accepted into you either

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Me and my family are leaving

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What’s ARG 2? How do I make money?!??! I don’t want someone else’s money held over my head I need my own and really get angled every which way I try since 2012

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I don’t want feast or famine I need steady

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Nothing stresses me out more than being broke and anyone who know me know that too and it’s been 12 years now… WHY?!????

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Check the year I had 2 repoes one of them twice… trying to rebuild my credit and they hitting me again

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Sounds like an ugly desperate man with money think I’d go to him cause he does have some… no way hell

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I can’t sleep with people I’m not attracted to so I can’t be a prostitute and tips from school not cutting it… I get 50 a week if even that

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I hate this

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Too old and too shy to dance

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What do I do?

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Cause I’m so far behind in school hours I don’t graduate until next year

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I wonder if I’m still good at picking locks but nah everyone has cameras now and I’m just kidding but just saying

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I suck at selling drugs so that not gonna work

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@Candy what do you do for money?

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The dog in the microwave I was cracking up but don’t kill the dog lmao

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You gave her wayyyy too much credit on looks too

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I like big dogs they’re not mean

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The only way that is possible if he’s the one that did it to me… I’m good

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Sometimes I get sad but I’m fine

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I’m never gonna change this is me the same me he met too

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He changed and I can’t stand someone trying to control me

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And look what he did when I didn’t feel good and didn’t listen

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He broke promises too… 1) he’d never go to or tell my mom and 2) he’d never leave no matter what

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He broke both and talking behind my back

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That’s why I started to break my promises and pawned the ring he promised me on too

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For $20 and I still don’t regret it

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Breaking up every relationship I ever had isn’t right either and that doesn’t make me desperate to be with someone either… especially the twisted freak that did it… I rather be alone any way

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So as soon as you get it thru your rich ugly head that there is not a circumstance on earth that I would be with and you stay the fuck away from me and my family - we good

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I really do need you to know this

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You ruined my entire life

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Why you so desperate to be with me anyway?