Jasmine

[A Disciple]

Jasmine


I was in the fog fully aware
Only got split seconds and the other times? if I was even there
When your world shift to slow mo
Things are more important, things you will never know
I come from high culture slapped back to ghetto
I lived both sides so my demeanor is different
Rich or poor it was both vociferent
Sitting sideways one day made me cry
So back to my poor, back to my side when they all asked why
For my jasmine
My jasmine live behind castles walls
But as toy soldiers when one down, we all fall
Walking - looking back remembering every bit
Soldiers training a general they contemplate as we sit
They all know I’m a higher one day
Trying to pull a “pac” on me is all I have to say
Is all I live for in this day
Besides my Jasmine
Game I ain’t trying to chase a cat - I’m just running back
But no longer will I sit here and allow the disrespect in attack
God chose - he was ghost - I was life
Street sweeper to General - not Cinderella to wife
And I too will raise mine if even in death so it to be
But you better not dare lie to jasmine when it comes to me
I ain’t ever met a female stronger than me
So pardon me if I can’t bow down or respect
Pardon me while I reshuffle this deck
Not one that actually walks the streets and just pretends to be
Speaks about all that it’s like pretending to be me
Some crack head hoe who swear she my death
And I put it on my last breath
Just like she put that k on that meth

A disease
A disease you just infect the hood
Now fall back and just respect as you should
Jasmines on my mind so you better tell them get the fuck back up
If I don’t make it, you make them stand again and just say yup
And to that bitch...
You may be the one to call the guns aiming at me
But three times I survived and you can’t ever take my virginity
Raised among wolves but I wasn’t the one in sheep‘s clothing
I didn’t have a pack I was all alone babysitting their sleep stopping they choking while they all chasing a thrown
So maybe the next world is mine I learned by watching you not to fuck up
Cause this is just level one - pyre stand the fuck back up
While you sticking pins in my skin or my eyes - my heart growls
Remembering every “I thought it was a lie” counting owls
I seen him at the cones, back then I was only 14
So know every step ahead of you and your fortune already seen
Oh I didn’t have a vest? Took three to the vagina and still lived
Regretting every moment I ever forgived

Listen...




For jasmine I say fine, for my jasmine I spit every line
For Jasmine who gonna watch over all of mine
For Jasmine - my faith and my nine

[A Disciple]

Link one: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...Brunt-of-Front

[Emily]

Loved reading this piece of work Disciple.
Drew my attention off the bat.
Elements of it drew me in.
Will def get on the pc to feed as my phone doesn’t cut it.
Great freedom of expression that hits heart strings.
Good to see you’ve still got it.
Haven’t had time to read anything else but this stood out to me.
Stay well : )

[Emily]

I was in the fog fully aware
Nice intro Disciple. Straight away I feel like I'm not dealing with pretence but real life.
Who hasn't felt this sentence? Nice honesty. Raw.
Only got split seconds and the other times? if I was even there
I like the rhyme scheme, I like the flow. I like the wording.
When your world shift to slow mo
Ugh. Im silly for saying this but ...maybe it should be shiftS?
Little things like that stop my flow. Snobby I know, but still, you have a flow and for it to be stagnated by a missing S is a shame.
Things are more important, things you will never know
I come from high culture slapped back to ghetto
top notch
I lived both sides so my demeanor is different
Rich or poor it was both vociferent
Not sure what that last word means but its impressive lol. The imagery given off in these sentences is thick because the pictures you've drawn move. They move across paper with a pace that/s almost chasing them.
You've built an atmosphere. You're an architect of air.
Sitting sideways one day made me cry
So back to my poor, back to my side when they all asked why
For my jasmine
My jasmine live behind castles walls
Yeah. Nice. Very nice.
But as toy soldiers when one down, we all fall
Edit. again, maybe it should be 'one's'? Regardless, the personification is almost silent music in my mind.
I can hear and see the clinking of bits of tin. Little perfect soldiers falling like dominoes.
Walking - looking back remembering every bit
Soldiers training a general they contemplate as we sit
They all know I’m a higher one day
Trying to pull a “pac” on me is all I have to say
Is all I live for in this day
Besides my Jasmine
Excluding Jasmine is sensational. Everything turns to dust except....your Jasmine.
It all fades to grey, but she still emits a glow, and you bring that to me when I read this.
You make it real. Little sentences. Big imagery. Good job.
Game I ain’t trying to chase a cat - I’m just running back
But no longer will I sit here and allow the disrespect in attack
God chose - he was ghost - I was life
Street sweeper to General - not Cinderella to wife
You really have such a wonderful way with words. And you seem to have an endless supply, which is something to be
envied by writers like me. I truly believe you're a real lyricist. You have a gift. Drawn from experiences, spiced up with emotions and colourful wording and touched by not only the grace of God by but pain and angst. Once more, its real, its raw, its honest and it good.
And I too will raise mine if even in death so it to be
Bit odd this placement here, but its whatever because of your following line.
But you better not dare lie to jasmine when it comes to me
Love it. Love it. Love it. Shows certainty. Shows who's boss. Its sexy.
I ain’t ever met a female stronger than me
So pardon me if I can’t bow down or respect
Pardon me while I reshuffle this deck
oh fuck thats good. thats good writing. flows like water. once more, sounds honest, raw, real.
Not one that actually walks the streets and just pretends to be
Speaks about all that it’s like pretending to be me
Some crack head hoe who swear she my death
And I put it on my last breath
Just like she put that k on that meth
You've got street scenes playing out like a movie. Your words, I envy what you have right here.

A disease
A disease you just infect the hood
Now fall back and just respect as you should
Ah man, that confidence is a serious turn on. It's that confidence that makes the reader believe in you, in your words and
pictures, in the sounds, in the atmosphere. its in the tone.
Jasmines on my mind so you better tell them get the fuck back up
If I don’t make it, you make them stand again and just say yup
And to that bitch...
You may be the one to call the guns aiming at me
But three times I survived and you can’t ever take my virginity
Experience does something great to writers. It allows them to bleed on paper. And while Im wiping up the gore, Im also in awe
of survivors.
Raised among wolves but I wasn’t the one in sheep‘s clothing
I didn’t have a pack I was all alone babysitting their sleep stopping they choking while they all chasing a thrown
So maybe the next world is mine I learned by watching you not to fuck up
Cause this is just level one - pyre stand the fuck back up
While you sticking pins in my skin or my eyes - my heart growls
There's a representational process here that carries through without breaking the mold of the story.
Once more, free falling, easy to read. fluid.
Remembering every “I thought it was a lie” counting owls
I seen him at the cones, back then I was only 14
So know every step ahead of you and your fortune already seen
Oh I didn’t have a vest? Took three to the vagina and still lived
Regretting every moment I ever forgived
That last line though...that last line kills me. Even the fact that you said the word vagina in a friggen poem is...
I dont even know. Who does that and gets away with it? Yeah but, you can. And you did. And you won with that last line.
That last line to me is gold. 'Regretting every moment I ever forgived'.... God. I've felt that. It's so well placed.
Its so well said. Its a great line.

Listen...Ok, listen. This pause here is perfect. It knocks the reader (me. Cause I don't feed for masses, I feed for me) into submission. It makes me stop and if I wasnt taking you seriously before, I am now. Im listening even more than before.
That pause is perfectly placed imo.




For jasmine I say fine, for my jasmine I spit every line
For Jasmine who gonna watch over all of mine
For Jasmine - my faith and my nine

Great outro. The repetitiveness cements the certainty, the seriousness, the conviction.
The outro finishes it like great big fat red bow on a well wrapped present.
I love Jasmine without knowing Jasmine. I love the way you've put her so high up, there isnt a smidgen
of a doubt how you feel. And there's no one that can tell you any different.
Great outro.

Disciple, I didn't play the music. This piece had its own melodical flow as I read it.
I haven't been here for nearly two years. But for some reason this piece drew me in to the point where
I had to come back and take my hat off to you and say bravo for being the artist you are.
Don't change for no one. Just keep doing you. Your signature style is there but has evolved since I was here
so long ago and I'm proud of the free flowing writer you are.

I can definitely see you as an accomplished lyricist in this genre.
You draw from the heart and its your conviction that wins me over in this piece.

Great stuff.

Top job.


Thank you.

- - - Updated - - -

I was in the fog fully aware
Nice intro Disciple. Straight away I feel like I'm not dealing with pretence but real life.
Who hasn't felt this sentence? Nice honesty. Raw.
Only got split seconds and the other times? if I was even there
I like the rhyme scheme, I like the flow. I like the wording.
When your world shift to slow mo
Ugh. Im silly for saying this but ...maybe it should be shiftS?
Little things like that stop my flow. Snobby I know, but still, you have a flow and for it to be stagnated by a missing S is a shame.
Things are more important, things you will never know
I come from high culture slapped back to ghetto
top notch
I lived both sides so my demeanor is different
Rich or poor it was both vociferent
Not sure what that last word means but its impressive lol. The imagery given off in these sentences is thick because the pictures you've drawn move. They move across paper with a pace that/s almost chasing them.
You've built an atmosphere. You're an architect of air.
Sitting sideways one day made me cry
So back to my poor, back to my side when they all asked why
For my jasmine
My jasmine live behind castles walls
Yeah. Nice. Very nice.
But as toy soldiers when one down, we all fall
Edit. again, maybe it should be 'one's'? Regardless, the personification is almost silent music in my mind.
I can hear and see the clinking of bits of tin. Little perfect soldiers falling like dominoes.
Walking - looking back remembering every bit
Soldiers training a general they contemplate as we sit
They all know I’m a higher one day
Trying to pull a “pac” on me is all I have to say
Is all I live for in this day
Besides my Jasmine
Excluding Jasmine is sensational. Everything turns to dust except....your Jasmine.
It all fades to grey, but she still emits a glow, and you bring that to me when I read this.
You make it real. Little sentences. Big imagery. Good job.
Game I ain’t trying to chase a cat - I’m just running back
But no longer will I sit here and allow the disrespect in attack
God chose - he was ghost - I was life
Street sweeper to General - not Cinderella to wife
You really have such a wonderful way with words. And you seem to have an endless supply, which is something to be
envied by writers like me. I truly believe you're a real lyricist. You have a gift. Drawn from experiences, spiced up with emotions and colourful wording and touched by not only the grace of God by but pain and angst. Once more, its real, its raw, its honest and it good.
And I too will raise mine if even in death so it to be
Bit odd this placement here, but its whatever because of your following line.
But you better not dare lie to jasmine when it comes to me
Love it. Love it. Love it. Shows certainty. Shows who's boss. Its sexy.
I ain’t ever met a female stronger than me
So pardon me if I can’t bow down or respect
Pardon me while I reshuffle this deck
oh fuck thats good. thats good writing. flows like water. once more, sounds honest, raw, real.
Not one that actually walks the streets and just pretends to be
Speaks about all that it’s like pretending to be me
Some crack head hoe who swear she my death
And I put it on my last breath
Just like she put that k on that meth
You've got street scenes playing out like a movie. Your words, I envy what you have right here.

A disease
A disease you just infect the hood
Now fall back and just respect as you should
Ah man, that confidence is a serious turn on. It's that confidence that makes the reader believe in you, in your words and
pictures, in the sounds, in the atmosphere. its in the tone.
Jasmines on my mind so you better tell them get the fuck back up
If I don’t make it, you make them stand again and just say yup
And to that bitch...
You may be the one to call the guns aiming at me
But three times I survived and you can’t ever take my virginity
Experience does something great to writers. It allows them to bleed on paper. And while Im wiping up the gore, Im also in awe
of survivors.
Raised among wolves but I wasn’t the one in sheep‘s clothing
I didn’t have a pack I was all alone babysitting their sleep stopping they choking while they all chasing a thrown
So maybe the next world is mine I learned by watching you not to fuck up
Cause this is just level one - pyre stand the fuck back up
While you sticking pins in my skin or my eyes - my heart growls
There's a representational process here that carries through without breaking the mold of the story.
Once more, free falling, easy to read. fluid.
Remembering every “I thought it was a lie” counting owls
I seen him at the cones, back then I was only 14
So know every step ahead of you and your fortune already seen
Oh I didn’t have a vest? Took three to the vagina and still lived
Regretting every moment I ever forgived
That last line though...that last line kills me. Even the fact that you said the word vagina in a friggen poem is...
I dont even know. Who does that and gets away with it? Yeah but, you can. And you did. And you won with that last line.
That last line to me is gold. 'Regretting every moment I ever forgived'.... God. I've felt that. It's so well placed.
Its so well said. Its a great line.

Listen...Ok, listen. This pause here is perfect. It knocks the reader (me. Cause I don't feed for masses, I feed for me) into submission. It makes me stop and if I wasnt taking you seriously before, I am now. Im listening even more than before.
That pause is perfectly placed imo.




For jasmine I say fine, for my jasmine I spit every line
For Jasmine who gonna watch over all of mine
For Jasmine - my faith and my nine

Great outro. The repetitiveness cements the certainty, the seriousness, the conviction.
The outro finishes it like great big fat red bow on a well wrapped present.
I love Jasmine without knowing Jasmine. I love the way you've put her so high up, there isnt a smidgen
of a doubt how you feel. And there's no one that can tell you any different.
Great outro.

Disciple, I didn't play the music. This piece had its own melodical flow as I read it.
I haven't been here for nearly two years. But for some reason this piece drew me in to the point where
I had to come back and take my hat off to you and say bravo for being the artist you are.
Don't change for no one. Just keep doing you. Your signature style is there but has evolved since I was here
so long ago and I'm proud of the free flowing writer you are.

I can definitely see you as an accomplished lyricist in this genre.
You draw from the heart and its your conviction that wins me over in this piece.

Great stuff.

Top job.


Thank you.

[A Disciple]

Thank you @Emily ... glad you’re back and look forward to reading about your experiences since you been gone too

- - - Updated - - -

Thank you @Emily ... glad you’re back and look forward to reading about your experiences since you been gone too

[A Disciple]

I'm glad... it's why I like to write. How people relate... and like life is too short to make all the mistakes yourself. Pop Smoke dying broke my heart like Nipsey did. It seem like a hood great can't seem to step up and get in. EVER hardly. When did music get as dangerous as civil rights?

[A Disciple]

Missin U

Breath to breath I started missing you
You betrayed me and now I can’t help how my heart do
When I looked back I saw the whole shit
The studio on Whitlock
That’s when they hit
You never should’ve left that day when k came
He just a trick bitch that’s mad lame they set up in the game
I figured as such the same
Only a game I don’t want to play
Too late to be down and they don’t care what I say
All my dreams just got washed away
I do pray for my baby girl still every day
But it’s fucked up how it does my memory
Dark clouds - L might’ve peeped it they were literally over your head in that pic
The one of you checking the mail
I was complete and happy and the home we made fit - legit
Yeah sometimes I’d bleed a bit
They already know for nothing now
Now they can’t offer or give me shit
Out the business so I didn’t have a clue
You already knew I’d always look out for you (I didn’t fall in I jumped when I heard it was you)
Did you get out? I prayed so when you changed your number
But why I’d get so sick…
I think cause that bitch stole my slumber
And then here came another
Self sacrifice? For my brethren and they already know
Wasn’t standing with the pedis it was the murderers you know
I don’t like that shit either
I wasn’t even a believer
When I went down south
I had a glitch when me and meech had the same dream
Then he tried to set me up too and I don’t want licks on my team
But I went and cried to my psych and for years I was alright
Jealousy? Nah it wasn’t that
Idk what turned them bitches smiling in my face while stabbing me in my back
I don’t got to attack
I pray they surrounded and now they know
Art of War? Yeah that book I already know
But it’s not all going to crash down just have to be patient and move slow
And now I know…
He said it too… I guess it was foe
Please keep him safe and happy though
I wanted it to be real so bad
But I don’t do very well when I’m sad
I started to realize things a twin flame wouldn’t do
But that don’t mean I want to get back with you
I’m thru… I don’t know who punished me on earth
Or think I’m a change my religion like some twisted rebirth
I wanted so bad for it to be true
But we get what we need not want we want when fighting to get thru
Wtf did I do that he traded me too?
wtf did I do that they all always do…

[Candy]

the rebirth part was sick, soo frikken dopen like you hold the attent poeticly through the dream line with so much emotion then pop the bubbe with the rebirth part.. the whole stanze just dripped what the reader needed to reed to feel refreshed but its funny the verse actually opens up like that - jasmine perfect name.. princess

[NoNun2]

It’s been edited a little bit mostly true… I would’ve said Vv

[NoNun2]

The last verse been edited… I don’t say vagina I say vv

[Candy]

lol thats because you got the prettiest fefe well the sound of the way you say it

[NoNun2]

Nah they went in on a vengeance though smh
18k candy… come on let’s get it!!!! I’m so happy the wire coming back to life because it brought me back to life

- - - Updated - - -

The site* and nah I ain’t ever wear a wire

[NoNun2]

@Emily where did you go? It was for my daughter - Jicera 4-19-91

- - - Updated - - -

Now that I’m aware of some 3rd eye shit… she’s been jumping since she was 13 too and seen WAY too much wishing for my birthdays back

- - - Updated - - -

She’s all eyes like me pac

- - - Updated - - -

She jump like me too

[Lady Poet]

This is one the illest piece from you
emotions so fresh and clean
The flow is slick

[NoNun2]

Thank you!!!